Wednesday, March 26, 2014

30+ Days and Still Counting

So, it has been 31 days that we have been locked in with our sweet boy Jett!  Everything up to this point has seemed to fly by so fast......and then you see his face and come to the all too real, realization that you'll be waiting 5-6 months before you hold him!  The days all the sudden seem like they are being lived out in slow motion! Which is maybe a good thing for me....I get to enjoy all my other little's before we add another to the mix.  But, some days are just pure torture!  Some days I just can't seem to live in the moment and I think that all my interaction and time on facebook reading everyone else's timeline will somehow speed up the process. Wrong, wrong, wrong!!!!  In fact all the obsessing just makes me all the more aware that it isn't speeding up at all, and I'm depriving my kiddos out of having a present mom....a happy mom....a grateful mom.  I find it hard to find a balance between obsessing and trying to make myself SO busy that at the end of the day I realize that I haven't thought of him at all.....and when I realize this I feel awful.  Does this make any sense at all? Or am I just straight up crazy?  That is a good possibility!  Anyways, to say the least, I am feeling the conviction of not being present, and also trying to make myself so busy that I don't hardly think about him.  When I think about him, it hurts to know that I am here and he is over there and that I can't pick him up and hold him.  I know he is well taken care of, but I just miss him if that is even possible to miss someone you've never met!  I can't do it on my own my humanness I will fail over and over again.  I need to be completely reliant on my Heavenly Father to help me through these next 5-6 months.

Jett, I love you more than words can say and I miss you....I look at your face when I wake up, when I do the dishes, when I open my bible, when I look at the calendar....I frequently look at what time it is in Xinyang to see what you might be doing, nap, snack time, dinner........I pray for you daily little man, and pray that you will come to know how much we love you......I pray even more that you will come to know how much your Heavenly Father loves and cherishes you!  I seriously can't wait to see you for the first time and hold you!!!  Praying our LOA comes soon!  Love you sweet boy!

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